"Somebody's gotta go back and git a shitload of dimes...."

Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown announced today an addendum to his plan to bring traffic back to downtown Main Street today. Citing the recent grant money received in the amount of $15 million dollars, he said today that not only will motor vehicle traffic be restored to the 500 block of Main Street (previously only accessible to Metro Fail Rail)but on-street parking will also be added. However, parking will be $3.00 per 15 minutes along that block, in an effort to replace some $200,000 or so in monies lost due to “circumstances beyond our control”.

To ensure this revenue stream won’t “disappear”, new state-of-the-art parking meters will be installed along Main Street. However, the cost of these new tamper and theft proof meters will result in 10.7 million of the 15 million in grant dollars to be used for this purpose. Further, the mayor added:

“These new meters will only accept dollar coins, and only the ones with the presidents on them, none of that Sacagawea bullshit…”

The mayor expects this move to bring jobs to the region, as stores catering in selling coin purses like the kind Granpa would pull out a half-dollar from on your birthday will proliferate the downtown area…