How many dinosaurs do you see?
Citing his belief that “we should put all our eggs into one basket”, Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown announced his intention to use Governor Andrew Cuomo’s pledge of “One Billion Dollars” to lure the popular barbecue chain to the city.
At this afternoon’s “State of the City” address, Brown laid out his intentions for the project:
“Sure, we may have failed in our efforts to lure giant chains to serve as anchors to our plans to develop in the area, but at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”
Brown raised his pinky to his lips every time he said “One Billion Dollars”.
Other highlights of Brown’s speech:
- State of City: ”Rusty”, reports Mayor.
- Brown visibly winced when he had to give thanks to new County Executive Mark Poloncarz and pledged to work together under gritted teeth.
- Brown touted Buffalo as having lowest tax rates in 20 years, which parallels the fact that Buffalo also boasts its lowest population in 20 years.
- Brown announced initiative called “Hire Buffalo”, which is much more positive than his last initiative “Lower Expectations”.
- Mayor Brown took the time to thank developer Mark Croce for having the courage to save “The Statler” by accepting large financial help. Sources familiar with the matter say that at that moment, Carl Paladino began frothing at the mouth.
- Waterfront Development: Brown announced that the CanalSide ”Snack Shack” will add corn-dogs to this summer’s menu.
- Upgrades to Buffalo Zoo: monkeys will wear diapers to prevent them from flinging their poop at visitors and to prevent them from public masturbation (the monkeys, that is).
- Brown challenged the development community to submit Requests for Proposals to redesign his mustache.
- To appeal to the “slacker vote”, Buffalo will build it’s first skateboarding park.
- On crime: The mayor announced the decline in city homicides, attributes some of it to the fact that so many are dead already.
- Education: It was thirty minutes before he talked about education, but he praised the fact that Buffalo City schoolchildren don’t suffer from unexplained involuntary tics.
At the conclusion, Brown released a flash-capsule on the ground, and disappeared in a puff of smoke…
Tags: Mayor Byron Brown