Archive for September, 2010

The Tea Party Guide to American History

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

World history, but just the parts that matter...

Tommunisms’ first guest column is brought to you by Phil N. MolĂ© (reposted from a Facebook note with his kind permission). Many thanks, Phil!

Hi Patriots:

Tired of textbooks written by liberals who wipe their muddy feet on the American flag and won’t be happy until all of our children are vegetarian, atheist, and gay? Then order the new ‘Tea Party Guide to American History,” and save your child from the siren call of socialist homosexuality.

This book will teach your children no more or less than what they need to know to be able to have a defiant, admirably unreflective perspective on their country’s history.

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This Week In Elmo

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

Brought to you by "M"... for Murder!

Elmo doesn’t care about Katy Perry’s cleavage, but if you punch him in the back of the head, he will DESTROY you!

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Segway to Heaven

Monday, September 27th, 2010

Yep, that's Dubya in the pic; they wouldn't let him tool around on this near a cliff...

The man who liked the motorized personal scooter Segway so much he bought the company has died, and not from embarrassment of being seen on one. Rather, he rode one off a cliff and into a river…

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Firefighters Successfully Put Out Sex Party

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

Just so you know, the text was already on the picture when I swiped it from the internets...

Firefighters at the South Lockport Volunteer Fire Hall in Western New York put out whatever flames where going to occur tonight at a planned swingers party at the hall, once they found out what the “family party” was really all about.

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The Tommunist Retort #12: Cracka Boy Rhymes Edition

Friday, September 24th, 2010

Image stolen from T-Shirt Hell, buy stuff there, but also check out my own shop here at Tommunisms!

Because we’ve been behind in our weekly feature Cracka Boy Rhymes, and haven’t done a Tommunist Retort podcast, let’s combine the two! The Tommunist Retort #12

John McCain is Gay (AKA Sorry, John, Sorry: Better Try It Again)

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

You complete me...

…And by “gay” we mean “happy” as in “happy to prevent the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ by leading the filibuster against the entire defense authorization bill” Tuesday. That bill also included the DREAM Act, which would give young undocumented immigrants a chance for citizenship by joining the military or enrolling in college. He’s gotta be gay about stopping that, because he called the act a “blatant and cynical attempt to galvanize the Hispanic vote”. So apparently there are no immigration issues needing attending to in Arizona, eh, John? And thwarting a good idea just to spite your political opponents on the other side is better than what’s best for the country, John?

Frank Zappa, I know you’re dead, but help me out here about bald-headed John

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